Sexual Embodiment Practice: Sitting

Many of the activities I write about as sexual embodiment practices are not specifically sexual in nature. Of course, labeling something "sexual" vs. "not sexual" depends entirely on one's perspective. Some people's definitions of "sexual" are far more inclusive than others. Using the labels of sexual/non-sexual allows for the beginning point of communication, however.

So today I write about what I call a "non-sexual" sitting practice. There are different labels to describe what I am talking about: prayer, meditation, sitting, relaxing, and decompressing are a few. My sitting practice looks like this: I go outside, usually in the morning, and sit for twenty minutes or more. I may drink a cup of coffee. I listen to the birds and crickets. I watch ants and squirrels, and when I am lucky--the occasional spider. I think. Occasionally I write notes to myself if language pops into my head that I want to remember. Or maybe I don't "think" at all; it's rare, but it happens, usually when I am caught up in observing what is around me--what I see, hear, smell, and feel against my skin. My intention is simply to be still and see what's there in my head and my body. I may discover that I am feeling a specific emotion, and I will often let that emotion fill my awareness. I may have a problem or issue my mind wants to think on, so I do. Whatever is there I just allow and observe.

I have my "rules" for myself--rules I have created to support my intention for sitting. No Sudoku or reading for example. Sudoku and reading are both things that I do with other parts of my day, but just not during my sitting practice. I have found through experimentation what I want and do not want though my sitting practice, and now that practice I have created for myself is invaluable to me.

Other people have different guidelines for their own sitting practices: sitting with eyes shut, sitting in a certain body position, or focusing only on the breath, letting other thoughts dissipate, for example. The parameters different people use depend largely on their intent or on the directions of their teacher and/or traditions, if they have them.

Rarely, when I am sitting, do I have overtly sexual thoughts. I have explored sexual territory during my sitting practice: using breath to play with sexual energy, doing pelvic floor exercises, or imagining sexual energy travel up my spine, for example. Usually, though, my sitting is uneventful and profoundly unsexy. Yet, I still refer to it as one of my most important sexual embodiment practices.

The reason? When I sit I am being present with myself, aware of "what is" in my mind and body, rather than what I think there "ought" to be. Because I practice this presence doing something non-sexual and neutral, it is much easier to also practice that presence when I am doing something "charged" like have sex. Having presence and awareness allows me to recognize when I want sex to be genital or non-genital. It allows me to notice the kind(s) of touch I am craving. Presence allows me to notice when I am getting so focused on my own or a partner's orgasm that I become anxious. Awareness allows me to observe when sex is becoming obligatory instead of fun. Observing myself enables me to say "no" and "yes" more authentically.

For me, awareness is the most important part of being sexual in ways that feel good to me. Practicing presence is the most fundamental of the ways in which I nurture my own sexual energy, and sitting is one of the most valuable ways for me to practice that presence.

Photo courtesy Haley Studio