Sexual Embodiment Practice: Porn

That's right, porn. Some of you probably already like porn. Maybe you have your own stash and you know just how to find the best of the best. Others of you hate it. And who can blame you? There's a lot of bad porn out there. But whether you are a porn connoisseur, an anti-porn activist or someone in between, I am going to suggest some ways to watch porn that might be different from your normal porn-watching or porn-avoiding patterns.

Finding porn that you want to watch can be difficult. Walk through any adult store and you may feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of options. Of course, it's fine to just go pick something up at random; liking or not liking it is not the point for these practices. If, however, you are interested in narrowing your options, you can always ask the staff at your local adult store, and there are some great porn-review sites out there in the world of the internet. One of my favorites is Violet Blue's "Tiny Nibbles." I do not always like what she likes, but I respect her opinions as someone who has watched a LOT of porn with a discerning eye.

Try watching "good" porn and "bad" porn (however you define those), porn "made for women," porn with varying body styles, skin colors, sizes and ages, and porn from different fetish categories. Watch new porn and classic porn, porn with an educational slant, porn made by women and men, porn for gay men, porn for lesbians, and "lesbian" porn made for men. Watch porn made by sex-positive activists and porn that walks the blurry line between erotic art and pornography. Watch porn that makes you hot and porn that leaves you bored. Look at both still photos and video.

Porn can be a great barometer of both your mind and body's reaction to visual representations of sex. To use porn in this way requires your awareness, though. While you watch, pay attention to the judgments and other messages your mind is making. Notice your body's reactions, both of arousal and otherwise. Be a bit of a scientist, and "study" yourself as objectively as you can. Have a curious mind, as if you were studying yourself from the perspective of an outside observer who had no judgments about what s/z/he was noticing. Here are some questions to ask yourself as you watch, and I am sure you can come up with some new ones:

• What are your judgments about porn as a genre? Degrading to women? Dirty? Wrong? Hot? Boring? Do you know where your mental judgments/opinions come from? Do you "agree" with them? What happens in your body if, for a moment, you change the way you think of porn? If, for example, you normally think of porn as harmless fun, what happens when you imagine that an actor might be feeling uncomfortable or afraid? If you normally think of porn as dirty or a waste of time, what happens for you when you think of porn as an educational tool?

• What are your projections about the models or actors? Do you think of them as degraded or empowered? What do you assume about their character and circumstances? Poor? Wealthy? Doing the work "only for the money" or for a "higher" calling? (And then notice your judgments about either of those as being more or less valuable.) Educated/uneducated? Smart or not-so-smart? Little self-respect or a big ego? Slutty? Do you assume they have an STD?

• Do you have judgments about "the kinds of people" who like or don't like this porn?

• Are there body parts your eyes are naturally drawn to? Does this surprise you? What is your reaction to breast implants? Cellulite? Six-pack abs?

• What body types and sizes are you most attracted to? Do those bodies fit the cultural norm for attractiveness, or are they somehow different? How do you feel about that?

• How do you gauge how and whether you are enjoying someone's body? Does "attraction" or "repulsion" come from your mind or your body's reactions? Can you notice when your mind and body have differing reactions, for example, when your mind likes the look of a certain body type because, perhaps, it is more culturally acceptable, but your genitals or heart react more strongly to a different body type?

• How do you feel about seeing someone else's naked body? When you look at someone else naked, do you compare yourself to him or her? How do you feel if/when you make this comparison? Can you look at someone else's body without judging your own? What happens if you do? Do your "attractions" change or shift?

• Do you want to masturbate while you watch or look at porn? If so, at what point? What happens if you wait a little longer than normal before you start masturbating? What if you start masturbating before you are ready?

• What are YOUR body's signs of arousal? A hard cock and wet pussy are the obvious ones, but are there more?

• Are there ways in which your mind's judgments affect your body's arousal? For example, does a judgment of "dirty" make you feel aroused or turned-off? Do you have competing judgments? For example, does one part of your mind say that porn is/should be seen as bad, another part that says that porn is/should be seen as liberating, while your body is either aroused or turned-off?

• How do you feel after you finish watching or looking? Satisfied? Guilty? Excited? Ready for more? Disgusted? Sad?

After watching some porn and noticing your mind's judgments, try watching while paying attention to ONLY your body rather than your mental judgments. Try this both while masturbating and not masturbating. Do you learn anything new each time?

Of course, after you spend some time using porn as a practice in embodiment and awareness, feel free to go back to your old patterns with porn, perhaps having learned something new, perhaps not. Just bringing the porn out for fun, with your awareness turned off, is awesome--a great way to use porn. And certainly, it is not necessary to watch porn to have a great sex life. Liking or not liking porn does not make you sex-positive or sex-negative. Sometime ya just like porn and sometimes your don't, and either is ok.